


Lights

by silvvertongue



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Fluff, Sorry Not Sorry, Stebe, relationship angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 07:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13267104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvvertongue/pseuds/silvvertongue
Summary: Steve and Bucky have a bad time.





	Lights

"Steve, I know you want to make things more... cheery, but do we really need this many?" Bucky was currently shifting uncomfortably in the cold December air. It wasn't so much the lights, but more so that he wanted to go inside. 

"I want a real Christmas, Buck," Steve said as he fought with the huge knot of wire that he had in his hands. "This is the first time we get to spend the holidays together. I want it to be special."

Bucky sighed. He couldn't argue with that. Steve was relentless lately. Currently there were already ten boxes underneath the huge tree that Steve dragged in two weeks ago. It was all for Bucky.

"I'm going inside then," Bucky announced, unhappy with the wind blowing his hair in his face. Steve stopped trying to untangle for a moment. 

"Are you sure? I was thinking we could go skating on the lake not too far from here."

"Steve, it's way too windy out for that." Bucky felt bad when he saw the dejected frown on Steve's face, but he just couldn't help but feel smothered. Steve looked down and didn't say anything. After a second he just went back to trying to untangle the lights. 

Bucky sighed and retreated inside, thankful to be in the warmth. 

When Steve returned, he didn't say anything to Bucky. Bucky wasn't sure if it's because Steve was actually angry or it was his own guilt, ut he felt terrible. He realized it was both when he heard the bedroom door shut quietly. 

For a moment, Bucky tried to ignore it. He was irritated that Steve seemed to get upset at every little thing lately. It was like whatever Bucky did, Steve got mad. It was infuriating sometimes.

"Ah, fuck." He couldn't ignore it any longer. 

\---

The sound of the bedroom opening startled Steve who was lying the bed, back facing the door. He didn't want to be bothered and so when he heard Bucky clear his throat, it irritated him deeply. 

"Steve?"

"What." It wasn't a question, but a demand. 

"Are you okay?" 

Steve sighed and sat up. 

"No," he replied looking out the window where he could see his lights hanging off the roof. 

"Was it because I said no to skating?" 

Steve put his head in hands. "You think I'm upset because of that." It was a dry statement, unusually contradictory to Steve's usually comforting demeanor towards Bucky. Bucky bristled and forced his anger down. 

"Well, it seems like it." But he couldn't hide the sharpness in his voice. Steve turned to look at his friend.

"I can't believe you right now," 

"What!?" 

Steve stood, and threw his hands in the air. "You think I'm angry about that? What am I, five??" Steve quipped, his voice rising with each word. He just couldn't contain it anymore. His anger, his frustration, his sadness all just bubbled out at once, washing over Bucky like a tidal wave. "I can't take this- this.. whatever this is anymore!"

Bucky could feel his face turn hot. "So what are you gonna break up with me?"

Steve groaned and put his face in his hands. "No." 

"So what? What can't you take?" Steve didn't answer. He just sat down again, his back towards Bucky. 

For a moment they sat there in silence, Bucky standing in the doorway, Steve sitting dejected on the bed. 

"Buck... James..." Bucky inhaled sharply at the sound of his name coming out of Steve's mouth. Whatever came next would not be very good. "Do you even love me?" Steve's voice was quiet. He sounded broken his voice was so delicate. 

Bucky didn't answer. He wanted to say yes, of course, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not like this. The tightness in Bucky's throat grew stronger. 

"Steve...Why would you even ask me that?"

"Just answer me. Please." Bucky could hear the desperation in Steve's voice. 

"I..." Bucky hesitated. He didn't even know anymore. The last few months had been nothing but fighting and anger between the two. Bucky could see Steve desperately trying to keep it together, but Bucky wondered if they should try anymore. They just couldn't seem to get it right. The thought of it made Bucky deeply sad. 

Steve stood, jarring Bucky out of his thoughts and grabbed his jacket. 

'Where are you going," Bucky asked, but Steve just pushed past him. "Hey!" Before he could say anything else, Steve was out the door. For a moment, Bucky just stood there, staring at the door where Steve had left. He sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to melt the stress away, but failing miserably. 

He couldn't. He couldn't get rid of it. The stress, the sadness, the fighting, the loneliness of sleeping on the couch every other night. But it had occurred to Bucky that he did, in fact, want to get rid of it. Bucky wanted happiness for him and Steve, not this mess that had formed. His heart ached for the good times they had shared together; for peace between them, for the love that was once there. 

While neither wanted to admit it, they weren't quite in love in anymore. But they hadn't really tried either. With that thought, Bucky felt hope, hope that they could in fact rekindle their love. 

And with that, Bucky grabbed his jacket and ventured outside, into the trees, looking for Steve. 

He found Steve, sitting on a log, staring at the lake.

"Steve?" Bucky stood just behind, wanting to reach out, but he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to. 

"I can't do this anymore, Buck." Steve sighed and threw the rock he had been holding. 

"Don't say that. Please don't say that." Bucky felt his chest tighten. Steve turned towards Bucky. 

"You don't love me anymore." Steve's voice was dry, but Bucky could hear the sadness underneath it. "You don't want me."

"Steve!" Bucky did reach out. He grabbed Steve's shoulders. "I never said that! I never said that. Please don't do this." His voice cracked as he could feel this throat tighten again. Steve looked down and then put his hand on Bucky's. Bucky didn't let go, but Steve laid his head down on their intertwined hands. 

"I miss you Buck." Steve said, a single tear coming from his eye. Steve let go of Bucky's hand, but Bucky took Steve's hands in his own. 

"I miss you too, Steve. But we can do this."

"Can we?" The question broke Bucky's heart, but he wouldn't Steve let go like this. Bucky wouldn't let go. Not like this. Not like this. 

"Steve, I need you. I'm sorry." Steve wiped a tear from his face and leaned forward to kiss Bucky.

"I know," Steve said, " I know." 

"I'm sorry." Bucky couldn't stop saying it as he wrapped his arms around Steve. "I'm sorry." Steve breathed the scent of Bucky in finally and kissed the side of his face. 

"It's okay Buck, It's okay." And as they kissed, snow began to fall.

**Author's Note:**

> I told you I was gay for Christmas. Sorry for rushed ending. I am trash.


End file.
